The Anxiety of Expectations

"Allowing my life to unfold effortlessly knowing that God and the Universe are on my side." 

I can’t complain about 2018 and the experiences it brought me. By December, I successfully survived the shift! That is, in my career, my personal life, and spiritually. I trusted the process, wrote about my journey, and shared my experiences with you all. Most importantly, I was facing my truths. I accomplished a level of honesty that improved myself in all aspects of life. I saw a post that read; 
"Unpopular opinion. Practicing self-love is not as romantic as people make it out to be. There’s more self-discipline, painful healing, and behavior correcting than scented bubble baths and trips out of the country alone."
This read my entire life!

 

I wouldn’t change anything about the past year. For me, it was the year of self-discovery and change.

 

However, by January 1, 2019, I was in the middle of a ring of fire, and I was the one who had positioned myself there! It’s expected that at the start of a new year, people create resolutions or new goals for themselves. Those life-changing promises with the expectancy to grow overnight. Like the other seven billion people bringing in the year, I started to think about the changes I wanted to make in 2019. My expectations were:

  • Start Keto Diet because girl... these holidays have blessed you with a few extra pounds! Your birthday is in four months, and Instagram isn’t the most friendly place when it comes to posting bikini pics. You’re older, your metabolism isn’t going to put up with your snacking sessions. Oh! And your friend is getting married this year, you can’t be the FAT bridesmaid.
  • Take better care of your natural 4c hair (because I’m about two seconds away from the creamy crack)!
  • A NEW BRANDING PLAN since you’ve abandoned your blog and writing overall. It was once therapeutic and easy. Now it was beginning to feel like a job, and the last two months of the year I had called in sick to avoid it.

Writing out my thought process above as helped me realize how overwhelming setting resolutions can be, and how it can also feel like a form of punishment. I began to speak unfavorably about myself. By January 2nd, I felt disappointed. I felt like the new expectations I set for 2019, were consequences of what I had failed to accomplish in the previous years. I told myself “had I done it correctly the first time around, I wouldn’t have to play catch up in 2019.” I did something wrong.

January 1st I felt overwhelmed, by the 2nd I felt disappointment. On January 3rd I experienced a rush of anxiety. My friends and I all agreed that we were to hold each other accountable to our new goals for 2019. After our conversations, January 4th I felt heavy. The anxiety of expectation is heavy! I came across a post shared by Elaine Welteroth, Journalist and Former Editor in Chief of Teen Vogue, (follow her!).

If traditional goal setting or making resolutions stress you out...READ THIS. "We cannot even begin to imagine what the Universe may have in store for us...but we are limited by our own experience of brave. And the more specific we get, the more restricted we make ourselves. The teacher suggested loose intentions instead. Like words or phrases that resonate with the heart. Creation, Balance, Love." 

After reposting this, I was reassured that I wasn’t the only one who felt these feelings. Some people responded with personal experiences, and tips on how they confront goal setting and new year resolutions. By January 5th, I felt relieved. I was reminded that my life will unfold effortlessly. If 2019 taught me anything, it’s that growth and transition are inevitable. 

What are your experiences with setting New Year Resolutions? Let us know below.

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